Archive for May 2008

It Gets Hot in Redding (Another Rejected Column)

May 31, 2008

Local legend has it that in August, 1937, Satan himself stepped off the bus at the downtown Redding terminal, turned on his heels and got right back on that northbound Dog exclaiming, “What kind of sick-o could live in this heat? I mean aside from mental defectives and parolees? Are you people nuts?”

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If I Could’ve Written For Groucho…

May 28, 2008

Soliloquy in H#

May 27, 2008

Note: This is the opening monologue for a play I’m pitching to my friend, Greg. I’m posting it here so Greg won’t read it. These things need to be handled delicately.

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Another Rejected ‘Toon. What’s Wrong With Pocket Pool?

May 24, 2008

Kelly’s anatomical observations inspired this one  (see Pink Hollyhock link). The R-S still won’t print it…you may start getting “Ziggy” in d.a.t.e. because I’m having a heck of a time coming up with something to make these editors laugh.

Another Rejected Cartoon (I’m Battin’ 1.000 This Week!)

May 22, 2008

OK, I understand why they didn’t want to print this one. I didn’t want to write it. A demon took me by the hand and scrawled out the offending ‘toon while I was watching “Family Guy.” You can tell because the demon draws way better than I do. But, in case you were wondering why I don’t have a cartoon in this week’s D.A.T.E., well…it should be obvious now.

FrayedKnot: The Hangman’s Tale (Chapter 3, first draft.)

May 21, 2008

CHAPTER THREE

“If nobody cares you’re dead, is it murder?”

 

 

Hortense grudgingly looked up from her stale glass of stout to see Jack Thrumble, the hangman, scrape the mud off his boots on the stoop of the pub. She noticed he made his way to the bar in a manner that seemed more businesslike than just a morning bloke looking for a liquid breakfast. Not businesslike the way the fancy duffers gathering for a morning libation before heading out to knock their dimpled little white balls around the adjacent St. Mildew’s Golf Course. God knows what deals that would make the devil blush these old coots cooked up between the fairway and the green. But he did seem to have business. Important business, no doubt.

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I’ve started receiving poetry, randomly, in my Email:

May 21, 2008

 

Free

Trial bottle

Flush

Your colon

Lose 20

Pounds.

 

I find this staggeringly beautiful. I hope some of you out there are receiving ethernet poems, as well. There is so much wonder in the world, if you know where to look.