Archemedes Ate Arugula

Archemedes ate arugula. Galileo did not. I think I’m with Galileo on this one. I believe the ancient Greeks ground it up and made soup or something.  They didn’t have Campbell’s Chicken and Stars yet so they made do with arugula and pined for the future when cans of Campbell’s fine soups would be available everywhere, even in ancient Greece. They were dreamers, those old Greeks. And homos too from what I hear. Well, I don’t know that for sure. I’m basing that stereotype on an ancient joke written by the Romans once they had conquered Greece and had a look around.

Centurian A: Do you know how they separate the men from the boys here in ancient Greece?

Centurian B: No, how do they separate the men from the boys here in ancient Greece?

Centurian A: With a crowbar!

Centurian A & B in unison: Har, har, har, har, har…stop, yer killin’ me…har. har, har!!!

But aside from this old joke, found written on an ancient restroom wall of a Flying A gas station outside Shamrock, Texas, I have no evidence to support my theory. I mean, there must have been a few straight, or at least bi, Greek guys, right? After all, there are still Greeks today aren’t there? Well, they had to propagate somehow didn’t they? Unless the only Greeks left are all really old… like ancient, and that would be too weird. Besides, I don’t think that would be possible. Although it might explain the Toga Party craze a few years back.

Anyway, about arugula. Have any of you tried smoking it? Did it do anything or just give you a vegetarian type of lung cancer? I’d like to know because, sheesh, they sell this shit at Raley’s for cryin’ out loud. Maybe you have to have a medical arugula card to buy it, I don’t know. I don’t do that stuff anyway (I don’t care how this blog sounds to you, I’m a drug-free zone unto myself.) I certainly don’t condone it’s use…but I ain’t your mother, smoke whatever you want… but do it outside.

BLOGGER’S NOTE: This blog entry would be funnier if you could hear it. Go ahead, say the word “arugula” out loud. It’s pretty funny. Sounds like you’re honking the horn of an old cartoon jalopy…”ahh-ROOOO-gula, ahh-ROOO-gula!! Get out of the way you two guys carrying a big pane of glass across the street! Oh noooo! Ahh-ROOO-gula!!!”

ANOTHER BLOGGER’S NOTE: You know what’s always bothered me? That in some parts of the universe you can drive a jalopy through a giant pane of glass being carried across the street (why didn’t they park closer?) and shatter it into a million shards of flying death and nobody gets so much as a scratch. In the world I occupy, there would be blood and lots of it. In the other universe, safes can fall on you and you can crawl out from under it…you can paint a hole on the side of a mountain and it becomes a tunnel…pigs and ducks talk, hold down jobs and throw pies. OK, that last part happens here too, just not very often. In fact, it doesn’t happen at all anymore. Come to think of it, I haven’t talked to a duck since I gave up the arugula.

Go figure.

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3 Comments on “Archemedes Ate Arugula”

  1. joshuadallas2007oasis Says:

    Lol. Keep it up.

  2. Budd Hodges Says:

    Phil, dude, You’ve been in the arugula stash again. Next time try an avacado…it’s much better for ya and makes a killer dip for chips.

    The greeks discovered the arugula in 1888 but became very sick when they tried to smoke it. It tastes like a goodyear tire when lit. Most preferred to smoke a tire but found it worked better on their early cars.

  3. Dean Williams Says:

    What the…? Are you dissing the leafy greens again? I’ve told you a million times, don’t play with your food. That includes wordplay, young man. What’s next? Are you going to razz radicchio? Parody parsley? Criticize kale?

    I also couldn’t help notice your clever tie-in to the ancient Greek’s sexual preference. Where do you think assparagus comes from? Or should I ask, do you know where it’s been?

    And as for Arhcemedes: Screw yourself!

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