Men! Add Inches! Offer For Members Only!

 

Hey there, Blogbuddies! I’m telling you, this headline writing is a breeze. Made you look, didn’t it?

*Note to the more refined readers directed to this post from another website. We here at Philbertosophy are conducting an experiment to see if spicy headlines drive traffic to the blog. So far, numbers indicate, heck yes, they do!

The following blog entry contains no special offers for creams, pills or anything made of latex and is safe for general viewing. Thank you.

 

Of A Feather

 

W

hap! Another bird hit the large bay window and fell into the shrubs below. He wondered if they saw little birdies circling their heads or if they were restricted to seeing only stars. Hmmm.

 

He didn’t know what kind of birds they were, Kamikazes he guessed, but that was the third one this morning.

 

He thought about putting a sign in the window, “DANGER, INVISIBLE WALL”, but that would be foolish. He wasn’t in the business of redirecting avian flight patterns. But, a sign might at least freak out the neighbors. That would make the effort worthwhile.

 

He went to get some paper, colored markers and tape. He was in business after all. He decided to sit at the table on the patio to work on his project, when suddenly, whap! He walked full speed into the sliding glass door.

 

Stunned, numb-faced, he sputtered, “The animal world has much to teach us if only we can learn from their example.”

 

He went to get a bag of frozen peas as the sound of another splattered Kamikaze bird rang through the house.

 

Reclining Nude, Late Afternoon

 

We’ve heard this song a million times today. Can I pick something to listen to? She asked crankily.

 

Play whatever you want, he answered. He wasn’t really listening to the music anyway; he was absorbed in his painting. The music was for the models. He only brought classical discs, or mellow jazz, he didn’t want to encourage his subjects to move.

 

He liked to paint calm, languid women. Maybe because he had never known one. Painting from reality is still all imagination; you just have a focal point, he thought. That was his only theory.

 

While he was in school, supposedly learning to be an artist (impossible!) he sat through long, dusty lectures on the theories behind the paintings. All theories. Didn’t an artist ever prove anything? No, he thought. An artist has never proven a thing. Why pursue this mirage? Learn to build a chair or fix a car or heal the sick. Do anything that means something and stop following these long dead “Masters”.

 

Though logic told him he was hurrying down an empty path, he picked up his brush and put light into the eyes of his painting. Like he had been doing for the last fifty years. He was not a slave to theories, or logic. Yet, he still hadn’t learned to be an artist.

 

Don’t you have any Portishead? Or Beck? She whined from the draped daybed.

 

In the other room, we’ll listen to them later. He told her in a kind, fatherly tone. Maybe later, he thought. Maybe someday.

 

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2 Comments on “Men! Add Inches! Offer For Members Only!”

  1. Jessica Bern Says:

    I absolutely loved the post about the artist. Beautiful, just beautiful.

  2. Tom Shudders Says:

    Dang! Got me again!This must stop.I have so many other things to do in a days time .I can’t be bothered dropping all to read your posts.


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