Once Again, It’s Proven. Smut Sells.

Hey Bloggies! Well, it’s true. If you give good headline you get more visits. Using the title “Men! Add Inches! Offer For Members Only” garnered a 53% increase in page views over the previous day. In fairness, it might not mean that it was the smut factor getting all the attention. It could conceivably be that there are quite a few guys out there desperate enough to visit Philbertosophy in hopes of enlarging stuff. To those poor, inadequate chaps I say, “tuff titties”. Hey, that gives me an idea for a headline!

Now, on to more important things…

LETTERS TO PHILBERTOSOPHY

Dear Philbert,

Whatever has become of the serial, “Frayed Knot: The Hangman’s Tale”? You’ve left us dangling (and by that I don’t mean to reference yesterday’s headline).

Signed,

Puckered in Poughkepsie

Dear Puckered,

Sorry about that. But, take heart ye soggy blogateer! Jack, Hortense and the gang down at The Vomiting Hound pub are still in production and “Frayed Knot” is even being illustrated! With pictures!!!

I’m taking the advice of a real writer who writes real books who suggested I try selling the darn thing as a short story via the internet. So, since my potential audience and prospective consumers both read this blog I’m protecting my profit margin. Like Grandma said, “Why buy the cow when you live next door to a 7-11”?

Dear Philbert,

I’ve noticed at least one Willie Dixon song (Back Door Man) referenced in a recent headline of our local newspaper. The piece was a nice column about a dad and his daughters. Why the scandalous heading? Did you have anything to do with it?

Signed,

Concerned in Corona

Dear Concerned,

Yes, I did. It’s in my job description. Look, I’ve warned them both in-person and in this blog, I can’t help myself. If you set ’em up, I’m happy to knock ’em down. Who in their right mind would have me writing headlines or editing copy? Nobody.

Hopefully, that answers your question.

Dear Philbert,

I’ve noticed quite a few spelling errors on your blog. Don’t you bother with Spell-Check? Also, your grammar and use of punctuation is atrocious. What’s up with that?

Annie Retentive

Sphincter Heights, Ohio

Dear Annie,

You’re right. I could use a copy editor.

Dear Philbert,

Yesterday, my pet yak hacked up a hairball, a half-eaten bratwurst and the neighbor’s poodle. Today he seems listless, he doesn’t even want to play Red Rover, Red Rover or badminton like he usually does. Do you know anything about yaks? What can I do?

Guy With Hacking Yak in Hackensack

Dear Guy,

I’ve warned you before about living in New Jersey with a yak. Like Alabama, Mississippi and parts of Arizona it is illegal to cohabitate with a yak. You can’t live with one either. I’ve had no choice but to report you to Hometown Security (All You Can Eat Feeling of Safety for $8.99) who should be knocking at your door about now. Tell the guys at Gitmo about your yak and see what happens. And say, “hi” for me.

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One Comment on “Once Again, It’s Proven. Smut Sells.”

  1. Tom Shudders Says:

    Geez! You didn’t need to get personal Philbert The Red Handed.


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