Carnal Corn and Vegetable Lust Revealed!
You know I’ve tried taking the high road with this blog but apparently I’m not suited for the rarified air of respectability. No, my lungs crave the breath of the gutter and that’s where we’re going today. The gutter, or more precisely, the corn row and the cabbage patch. Where you can get real dirty.
And yes, this is part of our continuing effort here at Philbertosophy to drive up our numbers by using the ol’ tried and true methods of sexy headlines and innuendo to sell our particular brand of soap. Speaking of which, you may want to wash your hands after you’re through with today’s entry. I know I will.
I don’t really know much about vegetable mating habits but I’m sure it would make for steamy reading, and we all like our veggies steamy, don’t we? Don’t lie, you perverts. If you really want to know more about the care and feeding of vegetables or gardening, secret or otherwise, go back to Doni’s or Mitsy’s blogs. Me? I’m in the business of dishin’ dirt, not plowing it. In fact, I haven’t plowed anything in months, which may explain my general crankiness. But, that’s a story for later. Today’s story is…
The Prints and the Popper
Had it not been for my job, I might not have ever discovered that I am by nature a nocturnal beast. I feel at home wandering the dimly lit corridors of the High Desert Museum of Art and Natural History all night while the rest of Hemet toils under the unrelenting California sun. I love being surrounded by great art and the High Desert Museum has one of the most extensive collections of abstract expressionist lithographs in the world. Or, at least it did until I burned the place down. I never noticed the frayed cord on the air popcorn popper but the fire marshal insists that’s what started the blaze.
Regular oil-popped popcorn, even the microwave kind, is too greasy for me. My cardiologist insists on air-popped popcorn. Too bad for the abstract expressionists and their prints. Not to mention the stuffed coyotes and owls that shared the night with me. Gone, all gone.
Now, I work as the night stocker at the Pig ‘N’ Poke Supermarket downtown. Like I said, I’m a nocturnal beast.