Archive for September 2008

Newspaper Rips-off Harry!

September 29, 2008

Somehow or other I’ve become associated with a local character and former child star, Harry Ames, Jr. The truth is, I don’t know him very well and have never met him face-to-face. But, he was quick to jump on the Write-In Philbert for city council bandwagon and has done most of the work – which leaves me free to draw silly pictures and make farting noises with my armpits. So, I tolerate him to some degree. Anyway, Harry is all lathered up about something my former-employer did (or Harry claims they did) and I promised him I would provide a link to his blog.

Notice: Harry’s comments and opinions are his and are not neccessarily shared by nor reflect the views of Philbertosophy or its sponsors.

I’m Not There

September 27, 2008

I won’t be at tonight’s CD release party for Still Married’s new disc. Seems that both my wife and I, in a rare showing of solidarity, have come down with some kind of bug. I was looking forward to the campoon’s stop in Palo Cedro, but I don’t think my current physical condition is conducive to a political event at an eatery.

I’m sorry for any inconvience this may cause.

Thank you, Cardinals

September 25, 2008

Candidate Revealed

September 19, 2008

Harry Ames, Jr. sent the following press release…

Philbert D. Cartoonist, write-in candidate for Redding City Council, will be in attendance at Still Married’s CD release party for their new Sacramento River Whispers. The event will take place on Saturday, September 27th at 7:30 p.m. at Little Filly’s Pizza in Palo Cedro. One drawback is that the event is scheduled for the same time as the Free Head Lice Screening, so you need to make a difficult choice.
OK, I know what you’re thinking…if Philbert is running for Redding’s city council, what is he doing in Palo Cedro?
No other candidate for Redding City Council is forward-thinking enough to take their campaign outside the city limits. This is the kind of “outside the box” thinking that you can expect from Philbert when he’s elected to that big, comfy seat.
See you there!

Ain’t it the truth…

September 17, 2008

OK, I don’t usually post stuff circulating as an E-mail (unless its from a Liberian finance minister) but I found this amusing. Regardless of your political stripe you can see what happens to “truth” out there…check it out…

I’m a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight…..

* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you’re “exotic, different.”

* Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers,  a quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack you’re a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.

* Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, and you’re a maverick.

* Graduate from Harvard law School and be President of the Law Review, and you are unstable.

* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you’re well grounded.

* If you spend 3 years as a community organizer, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor,  spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate’s Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate repre senting a state of  13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran’s Affairs committees, you don’t have any real leadership experience.

* If your total resume is: local weather girl,  4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you’re qualified to become the country’s second highest ranking executive.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you’re not a real Christian.

* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you’re a Christian.

* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.

* If , while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state’s school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant , you’re very responsible.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family’s values don’t represent America’s.

* If your husband is nicknamed “First Dude”,  with at least one DUI convicti on and no college education, who didn’t register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

OK, much clearer now.

EXTRA! EXTRA! (Some of you) Read All About It!

September 15, 2008

Here at the Moloch Valley Daily Beagle we’re journalists first and pawns of a corporate conglomerate second. We have integrity, I know because I’ve been selling it for months now. You can trust and believe what you see in The Beagle because we only omit the facts that don’t make the grade. Most of these inferior facts fall by the wayside because you, our reader, wouldn’t buy them. Not that you wouldn’t believe them, but because you wouldn’t pay for them, you cheapskates.

Around here kids, we have Facts For Sale. Facts you feel good about buying. Good facts. Wholesome facts. Facts that make Sarah Palin seem less a gun-toting trailer park nutjob and more, well…presidential. These are the facts you want and because you want them, we’ll sell ’em to ya. Unless you live in Sectors D, H or G, in which case we could care less. Research shows you folks can’t afford the news. Get a better job and an intertube connection and we’ll sell you our Funline version. It’s like a paper only it isn’t really. Don’t worry, you’ll like it, you have no choice.

One thing I’ve noticed lately is some renegade websites popping up out there pretending to give you the “news,” sometimes hours and hours before we’re prepared to sell it to you. Be warned, these are not “Safe Facts.” They are obviously inferior facts because these “partysans” don’t charge you for them. It should be apparent these so called “reports” have no value because, dummy, they have no value! They’re free, fer cryin’ out loud. What kind of fact is that? I wouldn’t buy it. You shouldn’t either.

Another thing about these “partysans” — they’re fibbers. I’ve heard them fib. They think I’m stupid but I’m not. That’s a fib. They’re fibbers and they fib right out in the open. At least my fibbing is confined to my orifice, I mean, office. But these fibbers don’t like me so they make up fibs about me. They claim The Beagle isn’t as good today as it was in yesteryear. I say, Poppycock! Our margins are holding steady and we are a VERY attractive property for anybody out there in the market for a Beagle. Do you think it’s easy churning out digestible facts for our paying customers? Thank God (with a capital G) for our Funline version! We had over a trillion gazillion bo-billionty alien visitors to yesterday. Two or three were actually from Moloch…the rest were the result of paying spiders and gobots to land in The Valley of the Unconcerned. But don’t tell our common-taters, they might string you up. For some reason, all of our common-taters want to string you up, lock you up and throw away the key or save the taxpayers by shooting you dead. I fervently hope I don’t run into any of our common-taters…they’re pissed about something. But, at least they’re paid up through the end of the week! Bless their pointed little heads.

Yeah, I’m still going on about the “Orphan Works Act”

September 13, 2008

OK, I know you guys are sick of hearing me rant about this bill, but it’s still floating around out there and we need to band together as creatives to “nip this in the bud” as Barney Fife would say.

Let’s not let Google and it’s all-consuming desire to kill art (or at least artists) stop us. Contact Wally Herger, Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer and tell them where you stand!


With Congress back in session this week, Orphan Works rumors are back too. According to some sources, deals have been made to pass the bills quickly. According to others, the bills have stalled for this session. Here’s what we know, independent of conflicting sources:

SEPT 6: OpenCongress Lists “8 Controversial Bills That Congress Still May Pass”
In Congress Gossip, by Donny Shaw, the article notes that the Orphan Works Bills “have been called out by concerned citizens… but are in a good position to quickly become law” in the next several weeks. The author quotes artist Brad Holland and attorney Larry Lessig in opposition to the legislation, and ends with this quote from “an anonymous OpenCongress user”:

“Isn’t it funny how music is getting huge, sledgehammer like protection in HR 4279 and visual art is getting devalued and made worthless by this bill, HR 5889? Music must just be soo much more valuable. It’s all about the corporate interests. Artists need to band together for our own protection and fight this dangerous bill. I’m an art student, and while I will never stop making art I’m worried I’ll be unable to make a living at it. It’s never been easy to be an artist without this kind of stuff coming along and making it impossible for us.”

Read the full article here:

SEPT 10: Authors Groups Submit Opposition Papers to Small Business Administration
The Illustrators’ Partnership, Artists Rights Society and Advertising Photographers of America have submitted over 60 papers and articles to the Office of Advocacy of the US Small Business Administration. These written statements were filed on behalf of attorneys, illustrators, designers, fine artists, photographers, songwriters, musicians, writers, members of the art licensing community and other small business owners. All are opposed to the bill.

These papers are the written statements submitted in conjunction with the Orphan Works Roundtable, conducted by the SBA  August 8, 2008 at the Salmagundi Club in New York City. The package will be distributed to lawmakers in both houses of Congress.

The webcast of the SBA Roundtable is available here:

A PDF of the collected papers will be available soon from the Illustrators’ Partnership Orphan Works blog:

Folks, there’s no way to sugar-coat this, if passed, this bill will make the already ridiculously difficult job of a freelance artist nearly impossible. What we do is already incredibly undervalued in the marketplace, this bill might just be the dagger that drives many of us directly into the soup line. If an artist cannot own and control his work he’s obviously at a disadvantage in the marketplace, isn’t he?

This bill DOES NOT supersede existing copyright laws, but is more insidious. Look into the “Orphan Works Act” for yourselves, and if you agree, please take a moment to contact your representatives in Washington to let them know how you feel.